There's No Conflict About These Manners

Abbey and Friends: M Is For Manners by Mary Jesse

I had an epiphany this weekend. The reason I'm a non-fiction writer instead of a fiction writer is because I have an aversion to conflict. And conflict is an essential element to any good story.

The seeds of this epiphany were planted last week when I was reading a book from the Abbey & Friends series to three young boys--all within the stated target range of three to ten years old. I finished reading the book, M is for Manners and with a neutral voice, asked the boys what they thought of it. The seven-year-old put on his charming smile, then shrugged and said, "It was OK."

I turned to the 10-year-old, who had a wrinkled brow and ask him what he thought. "It wasn't a story," he replied. I waited a moment and he continued with his explanation. "A story has to have conflict and there wasn't any conflict in that story."

That clever 10-year-old had in moments put a name to the nagging unease that had been growing as I read the book aloud.

Mary Jesse, author of M is for Manners, seems to have made a deliberate choice to avoid conflict. There are several disclaimers promoting the modeling of good behavior. The back cover reads: "Abbey & Friends is a series of books focused exclusively on setting examples of positive behavior for children. Read aloud and leave a lasting impression to help any child live a better life." Unfortunately, Jesse doesn't convince me that writing a book bereft of struggle is going to engage children enough that they will copy what they hear in this book. Nor that it will teach them how to overcome the struggles to exhibit the behaviors we find desirable.

If we're willing to ignore the precept that stories require conflict and struggle, then M is for Manners is a book with a small degree of charm. Abbey and her brother Max seem like charming, well-behaved children. They derive great satisfaction from being recognized for their good manners--and good manners are something these children have in abundance. I was especially pleased that they modeled such things as making solid eye contact when talking, thank-you notes, and sharing.

The illustrations are also delightful. The children reminded me of brightly colored Precious Moments figures--with perhaps a slightly more earthy charm. Also, each page had a sideshow with Bugsy--a bespectacled lady bug (with an traveling "Ant" Sadie). The bug mirrors the story in a cartoonish fashion throughout the book.

The book tells a simple narrative. Abbey and her family (which meant her, her parents, and her brother Max, but NOT her dog Jammy) were invited over to a friend's house for dinner. They go, they behave beautifully, they come home. That's it.

I agree with Jesse that modeling good behavior is the best way to teach a child such important behaviors and values as good manners. However, reading a book where there is only a tedious demonstration isn't going to do it. Rather, the modeling needs to come from the adults and peers in a child's life. Stories can help children safely explore what the consequences are of poor choices. They can learn as the character learns.

My 10-year-old friend went on to explain that the book might have been a story had Max exhibited some poor manners and had Abbey correct him and show him the better way. He's right. That would be a start.

If you really want a good book on manners for this age group, try What Do You Say, Dear? It at least is absurd and humorous enough to keep a child's attention without resorting to banality. Nor do any of the characters ever exhibit bad manners--though the elements of conflict and struggle are definetly present.