One True Thing - a real downer
One True Thing by Anna Quindlen
The one true thing I can tell you about One True Thing is that the book will depress the heck out of you. If you're a fairly stable person, you'll probably just feel like crying. If you're a little shaky when it comes to life, then this one is enough to push you over the edge. Really now, I've never read anything this depressing, and I do pick up dark books pretty often. Double up the Prozac is you're thinking about checking this one out.
The book is about Ellen Gulden and about her mother dying — slowly but surely.
Ellen had always been daddy's girl and not so close to her mom, but dad insists that the only daughter must come home and nurse mom through advanced ovarian cancer and death.
George has always run around on his wife. He's a professor with easy access to bright colleagues and co-eds. He's the footnote that some young women consider a notch on the academic belt. He just enjoys having a devoted wife and family and his cake on the side. He's the smart one but not really very deep when push comes to shove.
Kate knows that George is a run-around. She can accept it. She likes keeping a nice house and being part of the "Minnie's" who decorate the town Christmas trees every year. Her life is simple in many ways but complex in others. She is part of a generation of women who appreciated a steady pay check and the luxury to keep a home and raise the kids. She was conditioned to overlook the indiscretions but to hope for better or her own daughter. Most women who sucked it in hope that their daughters never have to do the same.
Ellen was none to happy about coming back to the family home especially as a nurse to a woman she never understood or appreciated. In fact, her displeasure is the central focus of the book. Ellen did not want to return home. She did not want to spend the last months with her mother. She makes no bones about it though does her duty and ultimately, to some extent, comes to appreciate the life of the woman who carried her for nine months and then loved her enough to back off and let the daughter be a different person.
On some level, I could understand the "conflict" in the story. My own grandmother passed recently, and I'll be the first to admit to mixed feelings. When my Grandma had a leg cut off and had to go to dialysis three times a week and was in constant pain, I had to wonder if all that suffering had any point. The whole family was in crisis for about five years, and I really doubt that all the rifts will ever be healed. Grandma did want to live as did Ellen's mom, so that is an individual choice and can only be made by the one on the journey to the end. Still, the fall out is there and not so pretty.
All I can think when reading this book is that it's good that my Grandma did not have to turn to someone like Ellen for those last days. If someone really can't handle death and dying, they should not do it. Dying people are not stupid. They are sick. It's a real shame to add the guilt of being a burden on top of trying to complete the journey. The death of one person should not be the education of another, unless it's a mutual contract. I guess the idea here in One True Thing is that Kate did get a chance to pass things on to Ellen, but it just seemed like the mother had to temper her death to appease a spoiled child. I never could see where that sacrifice had any real pay off. Kate could have finished her time on earth with someone more compassionate, and Ellen could have moved on with her career. The point got lost in the dreary details.
With the medical advances today and all the life support programs, I'm sure that the theme here will continue to be timely. What do you do when someone you love (or are just related to) dies bit by bit? It's a tough problem. But, I'm not really sure that the misery of reading the book helps those looking at the future or those dealing with the issue at this time. Misery may love company, but some answers might be more helpful than just chronic sadness and then a twist that takes the problem from the home into court. The real crime, in my opinion, is that a sick woman had to spend her last days with a daughter who really did not care about and respect her. The theme here is that Ellen did grow and did come to care about her mom, but I will always see it as way too little, way too late. The poor woman would have been better off with a paid caregiver with some heart than with her rather heartless and resentful daughter. I want my flowers before I'm dead and in the coffin. If my kids don't love me during my good times, I don't think they need to come back to see my decline.
I really don't like to read books that make me think about death and dying. I'm hoping I go out clean with a heart attack or something like that. I guess it's likely that I (and most folks) will have to deal with a slow death and without dignity in today's world. Reading about it beforehand is not pleasant and not helpful in any way I can imagine. But, I guess different people process that sort of thing in different ways.
Anna Quindlen is a great writer. I read her book Black and Blue and thought that was a good piece concerning spouse abuse. In One True Thing, I think she takes it too far in looking at the dark side of the world, thought the writing is still top notch. Perhaps it was just too soon after losing my Grandma. But, I don't think I'd ever want to read the book, and I can't imagine anyone I'd pass this along to. I feel tense just trying to write the review. I'd call the book very troubling and while some folks call that art, I should have just called it quits when I figured out the story (but I kept hoping right up to the end for some ray of hope).
I see that a movie came out based on this book. I will make sure not to check it out. Though I can appreciate the fact that the topic is important on some levels, I do not like to borrow trouble and misery before I have to.
