Complete Guide to Guys - Dave Barry - with dirty sock notes
The Complete Guide to Guys by Dave Barry
Dave Barry is a funny guy, and Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys is good for some chuckles and a few belly laughs.
The premise in this 1995 New York Times bestseller is that the bearded gender can be divided into two categories — men and guys. Barry does not really try to define the term "guy." He does note, however, that: "One of the main characteristics of guyhood is that we guys do not spend a lot of time pondering our deep innermost feelings." He also offers example charts to help readers distinguish the difference. Here is one of the examples he lists in "Stimulus-Response Comparison Chart: Women vs. Men vs. Guys:"
Stimulus: A child who is sent home from school for being disruptive in class.
Typical Woman Response: Talk to the child in an effort to determine the cause.
Typical Man Response: Threaten to send the child to a military academy.
Typical Guy Response: Teach the child how to make armpit farts.
For anyone still confused, Barry offers the "Are you a Guy?" quiz. This is a chapter with various questions and multiple choice answers. This is similar to Cosmo quizzes (for any of the girl readers out there). The required scoring is provided at the end of the chapter.
The rest of the book includes various guy habits with explanations. To explain why a man left his infant child on top of the car and drove off, Barry notes that guys devote brain power to remembering facts like who was named MVP of Super Bowl 1978. Fortunately, the child flew off the roof and landed safely on the highway in his car seat. Barry still thought the mother of the child probably "rolled her eyeballs into the next state" over that little memory lapse. All's well that ends well, I suppose (and now I'm sounding like a real guy).
While most of the stories and examples are humorous, some do not play so well. In talking about why guys give noogies (due to a gene notes Barry), he says that "we now know that many commercial-airline disasters that were officially blamed on 'wind shear' were in fact caused by the co-pilot — in flagrant defiance of FAA regulations — giving a noogie to the pilot during takeoff. And the world will not soon forget the tragic events that ensured in 1991 when Iraq decided to give a giant international noogie to Kuwait." If that's not enough to put some cold chills down your spine, then turn the page and read about Barry's friend Ed who wanted to manufacture his own fireworks. Here is what Barry had to say about that:
"I saw Ed test-fire one of those babies once, and I can tell you that if those radical Muslin fundamentalist terrorists had had Ed on their team in 1992, the World Trade Center would now be referred to as the World Trade Pit."
Of course, there is no way Barry could have known back in 1995 that these light jabs at "guy" behaviors would later be part of the world reality and that the World Trade Center would be hit and by airplanes. I suppose those little noogies were not as harmless as thought back then. But, hey Barry is a humorist and not privy to global terrorist activities information. I'm sure he wouldn't have joked about these things if he'd ever thought that something horrible would happen down the road. I guess that's the problem with making light of flaws.
Though most of the book is light, cute and funny, I would note that Barry does help reinforce the notion that "boys will be boys" or "guys will be guys" and that such stereotyping contributes to a society where females often carry the bulk of the family workload. While it may be funny to read about guys thinking only about sex all the time and not seeing dirt or dirty clothes, it's not really funny for the female person doing all the picking up, cleaning, and then being expected to be relaxed and ready for a romantic romp.
I do love the way guys approach life and had to laugh at some of the examples in the book. Still, it's not fine for my guys to put the socks between the couch cushions. First, they smell (the socks — not my boys — well, sometimes they smell too). I do not like to plop down on the couch (rare) and then have to wonder: What is that odor? Second, I end up buying new socks when not necessary when the perfectly good but dirty socks go missing (though I've trained myself to check the couch these days). We could use that money to get pizza or to go white water rafting. So, I'm not just going to pass that off as some kind of inbred guy thing. That would be a dumb thing to do and would get passed down to the wife-people of the future. So, my boys can get the socks as dirty as they want. They can even jump on the couch. But, dirty socks go in the hamper. No excuses.
All in all, I did enjoy The Complete Guide to Guys. Barry does have an eye for the humor in situations though some things really aren't that funny when you think about it. The fun stops when others pay for the behaviors. So, I would say to guys: Be guys and have fun but don't take advantage of others. And to females I would say: Don't buy excuses that are lame. Guys can put dirty socks in the hamper and should. Then everyone sleeps better.
